Finding my strength...

This picture is not me.... but I swam today and I swam HARD. And I liked it. I felt ill walking into the gym with Neil and the girls for family time. I thought I might throw up. Maybe it was the pizza I had for dinner (full fat with cow cheese) or the part of the brownie I had with Kal at the Orland Mall or the cheese on the baked white potato I had for dinner at the mall??? Who knows really?? I just felt horrible. I had run 3.4 miles at home and done abs and legs and by the time we got to the gym, I felt awful.
Playing in the water with the girls made me feel a little better and I treaded water for a long time catching Kaya while she jumped in. I no longer felt like puking, and the water felt good actually. Once they kicked us out cause family time was over, Neil said since I was there I should swim laps. He suggested it on his own and the weak part of me thought I should tell him no - that I would just go home with him and the kids.
But, the strong part of me prevailed and he took the kids for 30 minutes. I ran to the lap pool and am SO PROUD to say I swam 12 hard laps - fast for me with very few breaks in the 20 minutes.... I ended up swimming 515 meters which is MORE than I need to swim in the Super Sprint Triathalon later this summer!! And it felt AWESOME. I mean, it felt GREAT. I was so excited. I felt like I was BACK and like I forgave myself for some poor eating choices these past few days.
While I swam I talked myself into believing I was still strong even though I had a few weak moments these past few days. I tend to think that since I messed up a little, everything I have achieved is gone. It is not. I can make mistakes and pull myself back onto the track. There is no need to punish myself. Just make a better choice next time. Workout hard and be grateful for the energy I have to do so. Eat better next time and make a better choice next time.... breathe deeply and know that I might be up a few pounds this week, but I will not gain back the 40 I have lost. I am not a weak person because I made a few poor choices. I am HUMAN and trying to accept a little gray in this battle of health and fitness. It meant a lot to me that Neil (on his own) offered to take the girls to let me swim. It meant he gets it more than I give him credit for. It meant that he knew this all matters to me. It meant that he sees how strong I am becoming and he knew I needed a push. He pushed me basically into the pool and then I pushed myself to a new distance. AND IT FELT AWESOME! I even have crock pot caramel apple oatmeal in the crock pot to start the day off right tomorrow. Go me! :)